Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
