Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
