i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
