she looked like the before picture.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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