just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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