I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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