its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
