I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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