May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
