you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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