Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
