last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
