I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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