My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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