Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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