JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
They have beer where we have blood.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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