I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
