So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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