god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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