the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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