you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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