my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
