nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She even gives head with a lisp.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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