Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
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