just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
