You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
