Cold hands, warm shart.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
