we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
