One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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