Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
