So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
