Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the high leading the old right now
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize