With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
