Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I need to align my fucking chakras
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize