I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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