My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
