At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Found your dick twin last night
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
