I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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