Whatcha textin bout Willis?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
