2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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