I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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