i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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