my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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