i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
