OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
