we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
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