she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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