I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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