I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
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Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
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My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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