On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
