a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
