Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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