Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
