please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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