she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
