That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
