I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
