We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
