i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
