Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
A bitchslap is in order.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
