Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
