I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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