first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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