I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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