I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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