Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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