I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
