im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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